Back Home Again in Indiana
I realize it’s Wednesday, but I wrote this (mostly) on Tuesday so shut it.
There will always be that one person who takes 3 years to unwrap a cough drop during the symphony. Unless of course, said symphony is recording the performance for a new CD. In that case, there will always be that one person who takes 32 years to unwrap a cough drop during the symphony.
iPhones have a default setting that wipes your phone clean if you enter the incorrect passcode too many times. It’s so easy an almost 4 year old can do it.
When a pumpkin pie martini involves heavy cream as a main ingredient, it will in fact be too much for you to handle. (This is where I’d post a picture of said pumpkin pie martini, but, well, see above.)
While it may sound excessive, Portillo’s for lunch 2 days in a row is not nearly enough.
Blowing the tolls in the IPASS lane and then paying those tolls online is absolutely the recommended strategy. Just remember to pay said tolls within 7 days or they’ll turn you in to collections. (Or something. I was skimming.)
It’s acceptable to put your Christmas tree up before Thanksgiving IF you don’t actually light said tree until after Thanksgiving. (This is a lie. Putting your tree up before Thanksgiving breaks all the rules, and I continue to hang my head in shame.)
Anyone who claims they make nothing but wise food decisions during the holidays is a straight up liar. Their only goal in life right now is to make you feel bad for making cookies and eating half a cheeseball in one weekend. Feel free to throw fruitcake at them. It’s your only defense.