Back Home Again in Indiana
I spent a solid 30 minutes in Target the other day in the baby section alone. It wasn’t because I was taking my time basking in the adorableness of all the clothes and toys; it was because I was standing in front of the clothes stressing the hell out. If you’ve never bought baby clothes outside of a gift, allow me to give you a glimpse into the madness.
First of all, you need to know the size labeling makes zero sense. For the purpose of this exercise, let’s use the size one up from newborn. This is labeled 0-3 months or sometimes just 3 months. Are they the same? Different? NO ONE KNOWS. And then there’s the fact that all sizes are not created equal. A 3 month onesie by Circo is bigger than a 3 month onesie by Carter’s. But even all the Carter’s onesies don’t match up – some are bigger than others. Why? Again, NO ONE KNOWS.
Now we add into the mix that 3 months doesn’t really mean 3 months. Basically by the time your child hits 3 months, he’s out of the 3 month clothing. This is super cool because a) his clothes last for a whole 5 minutes, and b) you never know what size to buy. Which leads us to my meltdown.
Boogs is 10 months which, as we just learned, means he should be in 12 month clothes. But we’ve been squeezing him into mostly 9 month clothes for the last month and a half (it’s not as bad as it sounds – it’s really only been in the last few weeks that I’ve noticed 12 months fits better, and even that’s mostly just his head). A few weeks ago I had a 30% off at Kohl’s so I finally went to get him some 12 month clothes. It took all of 5 seconds for me to realize my mistake – I had waited until the retail change of seasons. All the 12 month tops on the shelves were long sleeve, and guess what? It’s still too hot for long sleeves. So I grabbed the 2 short sleeve onesies in his size on the clearance rack and went home defeated.
But the other day I was determined to emerge triumphant. I marched into Target with the battle plan of (hopefully) finding some short sleeve onesies, a sweatshirt or 2, and some pants. The pants were no problem. The sweatshirt was no problem. Even the short sleeves were no problem. Until I started overthinking it.
Suddenly the short sleeve onesies, pants, and long sleeve/sweatshirt/pants combos in my cart seemed like a terrible mistake. What if he never wears the 12 month stuff because I waited so long to get it and he grows out of it tonight (or the day after I wash it all which seems way more likely)? What if by the time he hits the 18 month size it’s too hot for long sleeves and pants? What if he skips 18 months altogether and goes straight to 4T? How do the T sizes work anyway? What if I brought a flask with me the next time I set out on this mission so I can calm the hell down and just buy my kid some clothes like a normal person? Oh right. There’s no such thing as a “normal person” in the baby clothes section; eventually, the madness gets us all.