Someday I’ll Learn
. . .not to leave the blueberry compote within lunging reach of tiny hands. Shout out to the waitress who left us extra napkins.
. . .that whatever food I think a tiny human will lose his mind over (ice cream) will be a food he is 100% not interested in and vice versa (guacamole).
. . .that a one year old can and will play a 35 year old all day, err’ day. Naps are for suckers, and he is not a sucker.
. . .that a one year old can also play a 33 year old who thinks she can’t be played by a one year old. Sleeping in cribs is for suckers, and as we already established, he is not a sucker.
. . .that my child will always eat like a feral child at home. When you’ve started referring to floor turkey as floorkey, you know you’ve lost.
. . .that there is no bigger waste of my time than vacuuming. Without a doubt, this child is running a Cheez It factory out of his room.
. . .to not even attempt a one hour show (let alone a movie) after 8 in the pm. Date night gets really exciting around these parts.
. . .to not even bother setting my alarm(s). Boogser wakes me up at 5 in the am and anything after that I just sleep through only to wake up in a panic at 6:45. I highly recommend it.
