Back Home Again in Indiana
We tooks Boogser to ZooBoo Sunday, and after we put him in his costume and I was dying from the cuteness, I told Jesse, “This is why you have a kid.” I realize that sounds like I view this kid as a very expensive doll (45% accurate), but toddler Halloween is what I was made for.
I’ve never been a brave little toaster. Horror movies and haunted houses are rock bottom on the list of things I enjoy. When I lived in SOIL, I dumbly agreed to go to a haunted house. When we decided to bail because of torrential rain, I could not have been more ecstatic. When I lived in Greenville, our rock station had a partnership with a haunted house. I spent the entire night hanging out with Jesse in the parking lot while he tried to convince me to go through it. I finally caved and actually found the whole thing hilarious which should tell you how low quality this haunted house was. (A week later some guy got his finger cut off by one of the supposed to be fake machetes; this haunted house was terrifying for all the wrong reasons).
When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I went to a sleepover birthday party, and at some point we were watching a Stephen King movie (it’s fine, Mom, it clearly hasn’t traumatized me). I don’t remember which movie it was, but there were lethal cats and at some point I felt like I was .02 seconds away from yacking up all kinds of good stuff. I turned my head so I wouldn’t have to see the screen, and my friend’s mom told me, “It’s okay. It’s almost over.” I was thinking, “Lady, what part of this is okay?!?” but then she was right; it was over and we moved on to things like Bloody Mary. . .which equally freaked me out.
My point here is that my ideal Halloween involves carving a pumpkin (read: playing in the goop while Jesse carves a pumpkin), handing out candy to trick or treaters, and watching Hocus Pocus. Throw in activities like ZooBoo and making Halloween cookies, and I’m set. Like I said, toddler Halloween. And actually having a toddler is the perfect cover for being the wimpiest man you know so yes, this is exactly why you have a kid.