Toddler Smart
I’m not saying Jesse’s dumb. Because he’s not. You don’t hold down an A average in grad school if you’re dumb. I’m just saying he’s not always toddler smart.
If he was toddler smart, he wouldn’t do things like tell Boogs, “Mommy’s renewing the zoo membership so we can go see the animals.” Because telling a 2 year old that only results in said 2 year old having a meltdown when we don’t immediately pack up to go see the “monkeys at the zoo.”
Toddler smart people don’t tell toddlers they’re going to the Children’s Museum until they’re actually going to the Children’s Museum. Ain’t no toddler got time to wait around through getting dressed, a nap, and lunch.
A toddler smart person doesn’t take a 2 year old into Dick’s Sporting Goods only to be surprised that said 2 year old wants to swap the ball you told him he could get for literally every other ball he sees. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a Dick’s, but that’s a lot of swapping.
Of course, I’m not always toddler smart either. I do things like get different colored Play Doh without thinking that they’re all going to end up the same color. I attempt to feed him food that isn’t tots. I assume getting him dressed while he’s standing up will take the same amount of time as getting him dressed while he’s laying on the changing pad (pro tip: add an hour).
I’d say we’re just a couple of toddler idiots over here, but maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to jump to that conclusion. Maybe we’re still somewhat intelligent adults. Maybe we’ve simply fallen victim to Boogser’s scheme of our sleep deprivation turning him into the dominant one. In which case his plan is working perfectly, and we are, in fact, nothing more than a couple of toddler idiots.
Soybeans, Too 