The Earrings
When I was in high school, my parents got me this pair of really expensive white gold hoop earrings for Christmas, and because Regina George wasn’t around to claim hoop earrings as her thing, I didn’t have to pretend I didn’t like them and instead I wore them every day for the next 58 years. But as will happen after wearing the same pair of hoop earrings every day for 58 years, the clasp on one started to loosen and I got scared I was going to lose it. (There was a very close call in a Loft dressing room about a year ago that almost resulted in tears so as you can see, not only was I wearing these earrings every day because they were my signature, I was wearing them every day because I am a reasonable human who is emotionally attached to her earrings.)
Several months ago I realized I should probably find a backup pair of earrings and so I did. Hidden among the plethora of “nickel free” earrings at Target was a pair of “sterling silver” earrings and I quickly claimed them as my own (my ears are high maintenance and will bleed out at the first sign of anything that’s not sterling silver or gold). I didn’t love them like I love the hoops, but they were maybe $20 so I figured they were a good backup investment. I also figured Jesse would never notice them. I figured wrong.
It took a couple of wearings, but he finally noticed the new earrings and asked me where I got them. I told him Target and assumed we had all moved on with our lives. But he wasn’t done yet. He’d randomly bring them up, asking why and where I got them, and that was when I realized he legitimately thought there as an outside chance they had come from another man. This was a ridiculous thought on his part for so many reasons, but mostly because when do I have time to have an affair? Do you know how much work that sounds like? No thank you.
So I did what anyone in my shoes would have done – offered to show him the Target receipt. Like the trusting husband he is, he turned down that opportunity and after only 5 more comments on the new earrings versus the hoops, he moved on.
The joke’s on him though because the cashier was a guy so technically the new earrings did come from another man.
Soybeans, Too 