New Vacuum Day
There comes a time in every vacuum’s life when it starts to suck, but not in the way it’s supposed to. And that time is a stressful time as your carpets and rugs spend months (years if we’re being honest) pretending your family’s filth is being properly handled while you get lost in online vacuum reviews and recommendations.
You try to free yourself of that stressful time by telling your husband you’d like a vacuum for Christmas, but he responds with “a vacuum is not a Christmas present”, and now you’re in an even more stressful time wondering what kind of monster you married because a vacuum is definitely a Christmas present, if for no other reason than you’ve been given the gift of someone else getting lost in online vacuum reviews and recommendations.
But then a Christmas miracle happens and one Saturday afternoon in early December your husband tells you he’s ordering a new vacuum. He says it’s a Dyson and while it’s not cheap, it is designed for pet hair so maybe it can actually handle all the hair you leave all over the house (you don’t need his judgment but he just saved you from drowning in online reviews and recommendations so you’ll allow it). He asks which attachment package you’d prefer only to discover the one you’d prefer is sold out, but you don’t even care because there’s a new vacuum that might suck in the right ways coming and you didn’t have to choose it.
And then New Vacuum Day arrives and you maybe tear up a little bit because it’s just so beautiful and a little bit red and SWEET LADY FREEDOM HOW DID THAT CANISTER FILL UP THAT QUICKLY FROM JUST THIS AREA RUG????
I don’t know if you’ve ever had a vacuum where you can see everything it finds, but it’s both incredibly satisfying and incredibly alarming. Especially when it sucks up your 6 year old’s poop emoji eraser and you then have to witness him having a meltdown because his poop is in the vacuum. But at least his poop’s no longer on the carpet.
Soybeans, Too 