9 Months
For his 9 month update, Oliver asked if he could put together a list of 9 reasons why he’s the best baby. It seemed egotistical at best and straight up propaganda at worst, but you try saying no to this face.
9 Scientific Reasons I’m the Best Baby
by Oliver
1. Have you seen this hair? The amount of effort I don’t put into fighting gravity is mind boggling.
2. I don’t cry just because I’m bored. I definitely cry, but it’s mostly because someone’s torturing me with a tissue or these dummies put me down for a nap when I’ve repeatedly told them I’m hungry. Would it kill them to listen to me just once?
3. I spin around and roll over onto my tummy while I sleep. This seems like basic human behavior to me, but it amuses the tall ones so we’ll put it on the list.
4. I’ve got the spit up fountain mostly under control. I can tell Mom’s thinking about putting on her real clothes before she feeds me in the morning, but she doesn’t quite trust me yet. But that’s okay because I don’t trust me either.
5. I can entertain myself. I mean, do I like having someone to play with? Sometimes. But I also like my alone time. Just put me in my crib, close the door, and bask in the sounds of my squeals.
6. I tolerate it when my brother’s in my face, which is a lot. Someone should really tell him he has his own face.
7. I’m still not crawling. Dad keeps trying to teach me how, but I can tell Mom prefers me immobile and since I don’t even try to hide how much Dad’s my favorite, I’ll give her this one. Call it balance.
8. I can hang like a champ. Everyone thinks babies need solid naps to not be total nightmares, but not me. I can hang all damn day just like a grown up, thank you very much.
9. I’m saving this family money. Between you and me, I’m probably ready for 12 month clothes, but Mom keeps putting me in the 9 months. She paid a small fortune for these clothes so I’ll let her drag out the inevitable a little longer.
10. 3 words: Cheeks. For. Days.
Soybeans, Too 